we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
