She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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