At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
im six kinds of drunk right now
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
