my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
cat food counts as protein by the way
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
