Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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