I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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