Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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