Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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