he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
