So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
