I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
