Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My hand turned me down
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
