I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This toilet bowl is my home.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
