thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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