That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
