I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
