he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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