dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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