just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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