so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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