I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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