I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
