I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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