i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
