i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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