Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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