so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
