Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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