Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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