omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
