I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
