apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
