I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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