how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
