in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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