I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
