the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
