Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
