He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
