My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
