we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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