We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
