She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
