he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize