i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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