this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
