Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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