Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
