Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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