if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
