I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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