dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
