i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
