where am i from again
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize