I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Michael Bay diarrhea
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i drank out of a bidet.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
