is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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