Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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