I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
