you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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