i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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