I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
