i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
