your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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