Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
