My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
