just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
