I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
