all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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