i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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