I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
