Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
