kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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