I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
