and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
