Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
