woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Someone came in the potted fern
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
