i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
