I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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