The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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