So drunk its hurt
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
