it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
