I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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