you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
