hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
