I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
