He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She told me I should be a condom model.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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