I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
