You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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