Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize