it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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