Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
