We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have fence marks all over my body
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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