If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
