Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
