Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I AM VODKA MAN
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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