i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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