Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
